Breaking the Silence: How Internalized Homophobia and Transphobia Keep Us Small

For many of us, the loudest voice of homophobia and transphobia doesn’t come from the outside world—it comes from inside our own heads. It’s a voice we’ve lived with for so long, we barely even notice it anymore, but its effects can be felt in every aspect of our lives. It keeps us quiet when we should speak up, small when we should take up space, and ashamed of parts of ourselves that deserve nothing but love.

Internalized homophobia and transphobia are insidious because they aren’t always obvious. Sometimes, they show up in little ways—a hesitation before holding your partner’s hand in public, an instinct to downplay your femininity or masculinity, or a desire to conform to what’s “acceptable” rather than what feels true. And in those small moments, they seem harmless, maybe even protective.

But over time, these small moments of self-suppression build up. They become walls around us, cutting us off from the fullness of who we are. And the longer we let those walls stand, the harder it becomes to break them down.

The Roots of Internalized Homophobia and Transphobia